Relate Guide to Sex and Intimacy published as less than half of Northern Ireland adults say they are sexually satisfied

Relate Guide to Sex and Intimacy published as less than half of Northern Ireland adults say they are sexually satisfied

Relate Guide to Sex and Intimacy published as less than half of Northern Ireland adults say they are sexually satisfied

Less than half of adults who live in Northern Ireland said they are satisfied with their sex life (46%)* and 49% said they have not had sex in the last month**,suggests new figures from a UK-wide survey by charities Relate, Marriage Care and Relationships Scotland.*** Relate says people often put so much pressure on themselves to have ‘amazing sex’ that they end up avoiding it altogether or  don’t notice what is good about their sex lives.  Just thinking differently could work wonders for the nation’s sex lives, explains the new Relate Guide to Sex and Intimacy, released today.

Relate NI, which provides a range of counselling services, including Sex Therapy, says people put so much pressure on themselves to have ‘amazing sex’ that they often  end up avoiding it altogether or  don’t notice what is good about their sex lives.  This is the message in the new Relate Guide to Sex and Intimacy, out now, which says just thinking differently about sex can save our sex lives.

Dave Murphy, Chief Executive at Relate NI said: “It’s sad that so few people in Northern Ireland and also the rest of the UK are sexually satisfied. Noticing what is going well, rather than dwelling on problems, is quite difficult when we’re all bombarded with messages about how sex ‘ought’ to be.

“Sex definitely doesn’t have to be disappointing – there’s plenty that can turn your situation around so you can enjoy a sustained, fulfilling sex life.

“What constitutes a satisfying sex life can vary wildly from one person to the next, so working out what makes you tick is a great starting point. People may feel concerned if they haven’t had sex in the past month but there are plenty of other ways to be sexy that don’t involve full intercourse.   The Relate Guide to Sex and Intimacy can help people get the most from their sex lives in a way that works for them.”

Relate NI’s ideas for thinking differently about sex –

Reassess what sex is:  People often mean full intercourse when they talk about sex, but sex is about so much more than just penetration. Flirting, kissing, cuddling and even just feeling you look great can be sexy.

Find your sexual balance: It’s often difficult to fit sex into busy lives, but worrying about it makes it less likely to happen. Sometimes, a reassuring or sexy cuddle may be all you have time for or need and some people are happy with very little sex.  It’s what works for both of you that matters.

Bear in mind spontaneity isn’t essential: People who come to Relate often say they want to bring spontaneity back to their sex lives but sex is rarely truly spontaneous and busy people have to plan for intimacy.

Know it’s fine to fantasise: Some people feel it’s wrong to fantasise especially if it involves somebody else or something they’re not comfortable with . But the whole point of fantasy is it’s not real and just thinking something doesn’t mean you want it to happen.

Feel free to cuddle in front of the kids: In the past, parents were often taught to avoid showing physical affection in front of the kids but it actually reassures them that you love one another

The Relate Guide to Sex and Intimacy

The guide, written by Psychosexual Therapist Cate Campbell and published by Vermilion recommends ways to relieve the pressure while revving up the pleasure. Covering the lifespan of relationships, the book suggests a new way of thinking about sex which allows a more relaxed approach to sexual expression and improved intimacy.

Campbell argues we shouldn’t feel bad about planning sex, talking about our fantasies or kissing and cuddling in front of the children.  Packed with expert insight and exercises, quizzes and case studies, it covers every sexual eventuality.  Whether you have physical issues or have just lost your sexual spark, the book will be as relevant in your 80s as it is in your 20s.

The Relate Guide to Sex and Intimacy by Cate Campbell is published by Vermilion on the 6th August 2015, priced £9.99

You can purchase the book from Relate Here

*Figures are for those answering ‘Fairly satisfied’ or ‘Very satisfied’ and exclude those who answered ‘Prefer not to say’.  Across the UK as a whole, 45% said they were satisfied with their sex life.

**Figures exclude the minority of participants who answered ‘Prefer not to say’ or ‘Not applicable – I have never had sex’.  Across the UK as a whole, 51% said they had not been able to have sex in the last month.

***The figures are taken from The Way We Are Now 2015 – an annual study by Relate, Marriage Care and Relationships Scotland of the relationships of over 6000 people (aged 16+) across the UK, of which 418 are from Northern Ireland. It will be published in full on 1st September. The online survey was carried out by YouGov. Responses were gathered between 27 March and 7 April 2015. All figures are based on Relate analysis of data provided by YouGov Plc. The results were weighted to make the data more representative of the population (of UK adults aged 16+) in terms of age, gender, region and country, and an indicator of social class (based on census information). The data featured herewas analysed using STATA 13 with individual weights attached to all sample members. Therefore direct replication of the statistics featured   here using the tables due to be published by YouGov may be subject to rounding errors. Analyses generally excluded those who did not answer questions or for whom the question was inapplicable.  Any inaccuracies or errors in the further analyses of these data are the sole responsibility of Relate.

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